Q: My boyfriend and I were friends for a couple of years (we’re both 30-year-old gay men), then I stopped traveling around the world and pursued him. We’ve been boyfriends for a year and a half now. We were both happy and we had sex on a regular basis during the first year. I’m more into anal (as a top) but we mainly did oral because he isn’t into anal. We tried a few times early on but every time I mention it now he doesn’t seem keen, so I’ve left it alone. Six months ago he started having trouble “getting it up” even for oral. After it happened a couple of times he basically said, “I’m sorry it’s because I think people aren’t attracted to me.” After that happened I started to lose my interest in sex between us and now we rarely have it. Even if he did offer to try anal, I don’t even think that would motivate me to have sex with him. Apart from that we get on great but I feel as though I’m starting to see him more as a friend. I’ve been thinking about breaking up for the last three months but I would feel terrible for a few reasons: his previous boyfriend broke up with him without giving him a reason, which he struggled to come to terms with, and he’s very self-conscious about his weight. So I can’t tell him the reason I want to break up—I don’t find him attractive anymore—because that might erode his mental health. (He is seeing a therapist.) If sex was great between us I would be happy to remain boyfriends since everything else is working out and I’m fairly certain he’s happy with our relationship as it is, which makes it even harder to end it. Advice?—Promising Relationship Is Sexless Or Nearly So
Q: My marriage of ten years recently fell apart. My ex, who is a piece of shit, told me she would have to leave or I would have to leave. I moved out but continued to pay her bills and rent for a year on top of my own expenses. We both agreed not to see other people until we either reconciled or divorced. On more than one occasion she convinced me that we might be close to reconciling. She basically led me on. Unfortunately, she was shacking up with a “Dom” who was old enough to be her father and this was going on long before we separated. When I confronted her she told me she did it because you said sometimes cheating can save a relationship. She tried to get me to agree to having poly relationship with them but the trust was gone. I know she was just saying things to cover her ass and I moved on. Now I am looking for your advice on what steps to take, please. —Your Fan The Quiet Mouse
