QA big congrats to Caitlyn Jenner on her big reveal and lovely Vanity Fair cover! But I am having a crisis of conscience. On one hand, I support people’s right to be whoever the heck they want to be. You want to wear women’s clothing and use makeup and style your hair? You look fabulous! You want to carry a pillow around with an anime character on it and get married to it, like a guy in Korea did? Congrats! You want to collect creepy lifelike dolls and push them around in a stroller, like a woman on Staten Island does? Great! But I’m confused where we draw the line. When a thin person believes he or she is “fat” and then dangerously restricts his or her food intake, we can have that person committed. Most doctors won’t amputate your arm simply because you feel you were meant to be an amputee. But when a man decides that he should be a woman (or vice versa), we will surgically remove healthy body parts to suit that particular desire. Of course, we modify/enhance/surgically alter other body parts all the time. I guess I’m confused. Could you shine some light on this for me? I want to be less conflicted about sex-reassignment surgery. —No Surgery for Me

You seem pretty concerned about the surgical removal of healthy body parts. To which I would say: Other people’s bodies—and other people’s body parts—are theirs, not yours. And if people want or need to change or even remove some part(s) of their body to be who they are or to be happy or healthy, I’m sure you would agree that they should have that right. Again, not all trans people get surgery, top or bottom, and many trans people change everything else (they take hormones, they get top surgery) but opt to stick with the genitals they were born with. (The ones they were born with tend to work better than the ones that can currently be constructed for them.) But unless you’re trans yourself, currently sleeping with a trans person, or about to sleep with a trans person, NSFM, it’s really none of your business what any individual trans person elects to change.

  1. Look for kinky people in your area on kinky dating sites. Mention that you’re looking for kinky friends too, not just dates or lovers, because a kinky friend could invite you to a private party in your area.

Download the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.