Q: Why are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes? I was just googling “finding foursomes” and the first result is an article about threesomes that takes for granted that people are looking for MFF. That is a form of heteronormativity, right? I am not judging threesomes, of course, but asking why foursomes are perceived as more taboo. Would be interested in knowing more about what you think about this or if you have any resources to recommend as I am approaching this now with my partner for the first time. —Willing To Foursome
Threesomes are heteronormative by design, e.g. they were arranged to fulfill a straight man’s standard-issue MFF fantasy, but judging from my mail just as many MFF threesomes are arranged to fulfill the same-sex desires of often-but-not-always-newly-out bisexual women who already have husbands or boyfriends—less heteronormative and more bisupportive/biexplorative. (My mail isn’t scientific evidence, I realize, but it’s what I’ve got.) And for the record I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a heteronormative threesome.
I didn’t stop talking to my father.
I suspect you feel tense after sexting with this guy because you’re left thinking, “My God, what am I signing up for here?” The animating assumption being that “going there” means getting stuck there. But if you told yourself you were only signing up for a crazy night or a crazy weekend instead with this ass-obsessed dude and not a lifetime with him, you would most likely feel a lot less nervous about this connection. In other words, QUEER, being open to playing with this guy doesn’t mean you have to be open to dating him, much less marrying him. But, again, if having a sexual adventure with someone who isn’t a potential long-term partner isn’t something you could see yourself doing and enjoying, QUEER, stop responding to this guy’s sext messages. v
