I used to drink so rarely that my doctors considered me a nondrinker. I used to safely estimate my drinking to be around one drink a month. I used to joke that I wanted to drink more, wanted to be able to appreciate fancy cocktails and fine wine.
But I’m not alone in this journey. I have friends with eerily similar experiences, friends who have started regularly drinking at 3 PM, others who are nearly constantly stoned during the day. We all agree that we got caught up in the culture of winding down after a long day of work with a drink or a smoke.
But even before the possibility of sobriety pops up in my head, more alarm bells sound, this time prompted by the fears that abstaining from alcohol leaves me and others like me out of social circles. Am I going to be the boring sober person, sitting in the corner while my friends rage in front of me? And with so much queer culture centerring on substance use in some capacity, whether it’s a mandatory mimosa at brunch, a bump in the bathroom, or some G at a circuit party, there’s also a real fear that sobriety is a death knell to queer social life.
But the actual science of substance use is another thing. Take alcohol for example. According to Dr. Daniel Fridberg, a University of Chicago psychiatry professor who studies addiction and impulse control, said that technically, no level of alcohol is safe.
“If I go to bed saying I didn’t drink as much today, that’s a good day,” Vela said. “Can I go to bed saying that I treated people with respect more today, and I didn’t hurt anyone? That’s a good day. So again, and with each single day of ‘one day at a time,’ that becomes a cumulative thing and you accumulate time; and that’s the only reason why I’m able to celebrate six years of sobriety is because I said those things every single day.”
