Q: I found your column after a Google search. I saw your e-mail address at the bottom and was hoping for some insight. My issue is this: Two years into our 23-year marriage, my wife declared that she didn’t want to kiss me or perform oral on me. Several years ago, she had an affair and confessed that she not only kissed this other person but performed oral on them as well. Why them and not me? Should I just go find someone willing to do what I want? I have a high sex drive, but I find that I don’t want to sleep with my wife anymore because there’s never any foreplay and a few minutes into it she’s telling me to hurry up. I don’t feel wanted, and honestly, I no longer desire her. What do you make of this? —Hurting Unwanted Husband
Of course, it’s possible your wife isn’t the problem. You may have said or done something that extinguished your wife’s desire for you. Or, hey, maybe your personal hygiene leaves everything to be desired. (I’ve received countless letters over the years from women whose husbands refuse to brush their teeth and/or can’t wipe their asses properly.) Or maybe you’re emotionally distant or cold or contemptuous or incredibly shitty in bed. Or maybe you’re not the problem! I don’t know you, HUH, and other than the very few details you included in your very brief letter, I don’t know what’s going on in your marriage.
Q: I’m a young, nonbinary ethical slut, and I have a question about a kink that one of my partners is discovering. We are very close, although we’re not sexually active with each other at this point (we’re currently long-distance). She has another partner with whom she is currently exploring “little” play. I feel personally uncomfortable with age-regression play, but obviously I want to be supportive and understanding. We have fairly good communication, and I’m able to tell her when I feel uncomfortable and that I still love and support her but just can’t talk about “little” play at the time. I would love to be able to talk about it with her and be supportive, and at the very least make sure I don’t say anything ignorant or hurtful to her. My question is this: How can I stretch my zone of comfort and learn about this kink in a healthy and educated way? —A Little Uncomfortable
