Qwife issues. lack of intimacy. cuckold, etc. —need help
And if restoring your sex life isn’t incentive enough to drop the subject, NH, this Savage Love reader’s experience might inspire you to drop it: “My husband, almost exactly ten years older than me, confessed a cuckold fetish to me shortly before our fifth anniversary,” a happily married straight lady wrote me in 2012. “I said no, but a seed was planted: Whenever I would develop a crush on another man, it would occur to me that I could sleep with him if I wanted to.” She eventually met someone she wanted to sleep with and went back to her husband—five years later—to ask if he was still interested in cuckolding. He was—and guess what? He’s a cuckold now. I had to run an edited version of her letter, so this bit didn’t make it into the column, but the only reason this woman wound up exploring cuckolding was because her husband respected her initial “no” and wasn’t pressuring her to reconsider. Because she didn’t feel like he was miserably unhappy with the status quo—a strictly monogamous status quo—and because she didn’t feel like he would blow up if she got cold feet, she felt secure enough to go there.
AThanks for the lovely note, SFH, and I’m thrilled HUMP! provided you and your boyfriend with the goose/spark/inspiration you needed to dive back in. But you two did the heavy lifting—getting counseling, hanging in there, keeping those lines of communication open—and you two deserve the credit, not my silly little porn festival. Now keep diving in! And remember: If fear of pregnancy is a boner killer/pussy parcher, and if more reliable forms of birth control don’t work for you, there are plenty of non-PIV options that (1) are tons of fun, (2) count as sex, from mutual masturbation to fantasy play to oral and anal play/sex, and (3) present no risk of pregnancy. So even if you find yourselves gripped by fear again, SFH, keep having sex.
